This was originally going to be about how men respond to knowing we've screwed up... but that went out the window. I'll probably post about that soon.
How do we go wrong? How do we go so far afield from where we thought we were? I think it's the same thing that makes us want to go outside and play (or surf the internet, or play Call of Duty, etc.,) instead of doing something productive (whatever that may be).
The obvious solution is to change. It's simple. Not easy.
We (I say "we" in hopes that I'm not the only one that has run into this particular problem) come to a point in our lives in which we wake up one day hating the person we've become. What's worse, we learn that the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with doesn't like those very same aspects we hate about ourselves...
So what do we do? We mope, we figure out a plan... and some of us follow it, and some of us don't. We need to become the person we want to be, the person we don't hate or justify (eh, I'm good enough, right?) when we look at ourselves in the mirror, not for them, but for us - so we don't want to punch the person in the mirror. I like to say that if I met myself a few years ago I'd punch him right in the mouth. . . But if I met myself now, I know I'd dislike him just as much.
Some of us change, others keep justifying who we have become. Who am I? Do I have what it takes to step up and be the person who deserves to have the confidence I put off? Am I the kind of person that can let go of the fake narcissism that I hide behind, so that I can rejoin the fucking human race?
You and I are going to find out. . . I hope I am, not only for my own peace of mind, but because I love my fiancee, and can't stand the thought that if I don't get my shit together I'm going to hurt her.