I want to marry my girlfriend. Those of you that know me aren't going to find any surprise in that, I've wanted to be with this girl for the better part of a decade, now. It occurred to me for realsies about two weeks ago that it wasn't just some enduring child-like fantasy. We've been spending Saturday nights together - between my weird work schedule and her kids being at her home and fairly immobile, that's most of the time we can spend solidly together - among shorter times together spread throughout the week. Sunday morning comes around, and she usually gets up early to go home and take care of her twins. Half-asleep, I try to hold on to her and be cute and cuddly enough to convince her to stay, but in the end she has a responsibility, and I deeply respect her for her devotion to her kids.
But two weeks ago was different.
After she left I was left feeling alone, and a little empty. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I rolled over and went back to sleep (don't judge me, it was really early still, and we'd been up really late). But when I woke up again, I found that nothing had changed: I still felt alone, I still wanted her with me, and I would have done anything to make that happen.
It occurred to me that I was seriously considering proposing to her, and that there were about a thousand things that needed to be considered before I even thought about anything else, the least of which was whether to get a one bedroom apartment in June, or two. I panicked. I freaked myself out. I did some revisions for my book. I went to work. I saw her, and...
I want to marry my girlfriend.
All of the bullshit details (which are really important details in disguise) faded into the background and didn't seem to matter as much. They still matter, but ultimately they're secondary concerns compared to that big one right up there. I may find out that I'm wrong on that front, and I am totally fine with that, but for now, I love her, and going to bed every night (but Saturday nights) without her really sucks.
Cat and I had our beginning years ago, but this is where I think our story is going to start getting interesting. This is our beginning, whoever you are that might be reading this.